I stand back from the well full of cheap liquor and watch in disbelief as hookers stroll through the heavy oak door. One after the other glides across the room, appearing to be playing dress-up in sparkly prom dresses. It's as if some advice column told them the way to look sophisticated is to cover your entire body in glitter, rhinestones, and sequence. Somewhere one must have read the more you shine on the outside is directly proportional to your inner self and the only thought that ran through her mind was glitter.
Not only were the dresses hideous, but everything in site was glossed by the stray "tramp dandruff". However, it did make locating their dates very easy--all I had to do was look for the uniformed man coated in coordinating sparkles and play a matching game.
From past experiences with glitter I know that it sticks and clings to everything, but the men didn't seem to mind their new Bedazzled suits (I'm not sure if Swarovski encrusted camo will work well in the military though). One of the perks of all of the glittered adorned women may be the trophy status. I imagine the men compare sheets in the morning to reveal the ones that scored with their hired dates or maybe its a challenge who's masculine body is coated in the most sparkle.
Either way, I know there is know hiding it, and I understand there is no shame, so my advice to you unlucky patrons of the Ranger Ball--go to the nearest craft store, buy bulks of glitter, pour it all over your extra-long twin sheets, and roll around. You too can go to work the next day and show off your glory.
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